Edinburgh Film Fest - day 3 (FILMS & PARTIES)

BOY (NZ) starring Taika Waititi

This is fucking brilliant. My favourite film of the whole fucking festival. It’s from that kiwi bloke who directed ‘Eagle vs Shark’ and he’s got something to do with Flight of the Conchords.

Boy is set in 1984 so there’s loads of bad clothes, shit haircuts and Michael Jackson impressions. It’s about a boy and his Dad. His dad’s a bellend loser.

Highs

It made me laugh so much that some wee came out.

Lows

Fuck off there aren’t any.

MONSTERS (UK/USA) starring two pretty (annoying) yanks

I dunno what I think of this to be honest. It’s a sort of romantic horror film that isn’t scary, or romantic.

The special effects are wicked though. There’s these massive octopus things that go around smashing up Americans. 

I never felt as though the main characters were in danger or were gonna get killed, which is a shame because they really got on my nerves and I wanted to see their insides come out.

Highs

Loads of US marines die.

Lows

Don’t see any tits.

BARRY MUNDAY (USA) starring Chloe Svengy (or whatever her fucking name is)

This is brill. It’s about this bloke right, he’s called Barry Munday, and he sees himself as a bit of a lady’s man, but really he's just a gimp-tard. One day he has accident and his balls get chopped off and he can’t have kids no more. Then some ugly minger turns up saying he shagged her ages ago and got her up the duff.

It did get a bit smultzy with him being a dad n that but it still had some well funny lines it.

Highs

The phallic symbols in the scene with the mutilated penis help group

Lows

I really needed a poo but I didn’t want to leave the cinema.

PARTY TIME

Soul Boy Party

I couldn't be arsed to see the film but I went to the party. I pretended I saw it and said it was 'mediocre at best', when asked. I was well shocked when I went to the bar: NO FREE BOOZE. So I fucked off soon after that. The DJ was good.

Ceilidh Party

Get this right, the word 'ceilidh' is pronounced like 'kaley'. Mental!

The ceilidh was awesome, Sean Connery was there but he'd left by the time I arrived. Patrick Stewart was dancing with some tarts. I did some Scottish dancing but it was crap and looked gay. 

There was free Glenmorangie all night which was fucking well brill! Ben Miller was there. That man really can't dance, I felt sorry for him. He had some young slappa hanging around his neck though so good on him.

On the way home this really nice fella held my kebab whilst I pissed in an alleyway. I love Scotland.

Barbarella x