I’m dying for a fucking drink!
So I walk down the red carpet and can’t believe no-one takes my picture! I gatecrash because some titwitch in the press office didn't get me a ticket. I head straight for the bar and it takes fucking ages to be served but eventually I'm carrying 2 mojitos (for moi) and down them promptly. Then I grab 2 dry white wines. I love a free bar! There are a few minor slebs knocking about but no-one exciting and I’ve heard Sean Connery has already left the building so I’m well pissed off.
After 2 more glasses of wine I watch a magician and a burlesque dancer with small tits and a big arse. Everyone is properly dressed up in tuxedos and ball gowns. I’m wearing Primark skinny jeans and a Peacocks T-shirt but I don’t care coz I’m pissed.
There’s a massive room upstairs with showgirls in fishnets and feather boas. Loads of men gather around them and stare at their tits. So do I, they’ve really nice tits.
Some security guard called Josh slapped me on the arse and I considered complaining about him but I probably asked for it coz I'm so hot, so I left it. I tried to get in the VIP area by chatting up the bouncer but it turned out to be a cloakroom (I was on the wrong floor and very pissed) what a wasted half-an-hour. I stole a bottle of wine and went back to me room, alone. I had a little cry.
Barbarella x
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